It didn't get better....

This has probably been the lowest point I've hit so far on this path... if you imagine it passing through hills and valleys, I currently feel like I'm standing at the bottom of a canyon.

The last week has just been really, really stressful. We are still dealing with some family issues, that I'm not comfortable discussing, but suffice it to say, they're stressful. Illness in the family puts a toll on everyone, and moreso when no one knows what is causing it. In any time of stress, I'm usually the rock; I'm the one who can hold it together and get things done and function. When the health care system is involved, this is especially important, because I've worked with health care, and can answer questions and navigate when problems arise. But in the meantime, I just internalize all the stress. So for two days, I've been up at the crack of dawn. I spend all day feeling like I want to cry or bite someone's head off. It's not good.

Work threw me into a conference this week; I hate conferences. I am not a people person, and it's a drain on my personal resources to try to be around a bunch of strangers. Add to that the fact that I received virtually no information about what was expected of me at the conference, I was putting everything together at the last minute, and half of my needed materials weren't ready - yeah, it was great.

Even tired, and stressed, I have still been looking forward to my session with Shawn. I always enjoy being at the gym, and I have really been enjoying our sessions. And yet, right from the start, it just seemed like it was doomed. Admittedly, I screwed up. I should have told him about the week I was having and that I wasn't operating at 100%. But I didn't. I didn't think it would matter, and I hate sounding like I'm whining or making excuses.

I think it might have been my worst session yet. I know I kept getting frustrated over stupid things, we didn't get anywhere close to getting through the workout he'd planned, and I think he spent more time modifying it than even leading me through exercises. I actually went back to my car and cried when everything was done. I have never felt so lousy leaving a workout. I just feel like I wimped out.

Then, I got home, and my old Sheltie, Kelsey, had taken a turn for the worst. So to end my horrible week, I had to say goodbye to my best friend of fourteen years.

All I want to do right now is hide under a rock somewhere.


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