One foot in front of the other...

I didn't post an affirmation or I Can yesterday. I guess by the time I got home from the gym, I just wasn't really feeling very affirmation-y or I Can-y.

I didn't cry. Neither did Shawn. I think it was pretty close for both of us. Okay, I did actually cry, but only after the session was over, when I went and hid in the locker room.

This is weird for me. I mean, I don't handle change at the best of times - my brain copes much better with the status quo - but I just feel like I'm really losing something valuable. That's stupid. I will still be at the same gym. I will still be working out. Chances are I'll see Shawn several times a week. I just won't have those two hours a week of focused attention... and I don't have that feeling of a support person anymore, who is always just an email away. And it's left me feeling a little adrift today.

The program he's designed to get me through the next little while is pretty kick-ass, though, and he obviously spent an incredible amount of time on it. It's designed with my goal of becoming a runner in mind, and keeping in mind that I will be going back to school soon. Some of the things are a little hard to wrap my mind around - among others, he's recommending I increase my caloric intake to 1900-2200 calories/day, which seems so high to me. I know it isn't but it seems high. I'm going to try to scale up gradually over the next month or so.

Our last session was so much fun, and so challenging - making me wonder if I'm really ready to forge out on my own. But, I keep telling myself that this is just "for now" not "forever." I *can* go back to training.

I decided to do a full 10K training run this morning. I run by myself all the time, and yet this morning was the first time I really felt alone while running. I guess my head just wasn't in it. I had to keep telling myself "One foot in front of the other" and "You can do this.... impossible is not a word." Every bit of muscle soreness seemed amplified, and it seemed like there was nowhere to stop and stretch. But, I did it. Okay, it took over an hour, but I did it. I'm going to try to fit in one or two more practice 10K runs before my actual race.

My high point of the day... I decided to go check out the sales at a local clothing store, and as I was trying on a very cute halter top and checking it out in the three-way mirror, a woman beside me was agonizing over a pair of jeans, wondering if she should get them and making some disparaging remarks about the size of her hips. Trying to be encouraging, I told her I thought they looked good. She glanced over at me sighed, looked back at her friends and said "See, if I looked like her, I wouldn't worry have to about this!" I didn't quite know what to say to that, so I just repeated that I thought the jeans looked good. But it did make me feel good.

It's the sort of thing I'd share with Shawn during our next session.


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