The Voices in my Head

Sometimes I listen too much to the voices in my head.

Those are the voices who tell me that my training plans are "intense" - translation being, I think you're nuts.

Those are the voices that tell me not to get my hopes up or be too ambitious when it comes to running my upcoming 10K.

Those are the voices that tell me that with all the running I do, surely I can have that piece of cake, bowl of ice cream, decadent cookie, etc.

Those are the voices that tell me that this lifestyle - this path I've chosen - isn't worth all this hard work.

Most of the time, I ignore those voices. But sometimes, even when I'm ignoring them, I hear them. I hear them as I'm fighting through a hard run, and it makes the run seem so much harder. It blocks out the voice in my head that's constantly saying

"You can do this, Cassandra!"
"Come on, don't give up!"
"You're stronger thank you think you are!"
"I believe in you."

I didn't have a terrible run tonight, but it was hard. I had planned to run for thirty minutes, and I only made it twenty minutes. I had to take a ten second breather at 18:30 because... well, I was panicking, for lack of a better word. But, I'm not going to count it as a failure. I'm proud of myself for being able to regroup and finish. I'm proud of myself for getting through twenty minutes at a faster pace.

But I've noticed that whenever I encounter negative sentiments, I internalize them, take them with me, and they affect my next run. Tuesday I dealt with the friend's skepticism over my training plan; yesterday, it was my brother who expressed disbelief at my intent to run a 10K. Saturday, when I tried for my long run, I had spent the previous night shoe shopping, around people who were as passionate about running as I am, and who had no reason to believe I wasn't a distance runner. And I had shiny new shoes to make me feel like a real runner.

I wish I could tell the people in my life what it does to me when they are so negative. But I can't. Because one, they wouldn't understand, and two, it's not in my nature. I'm a peacemaker.

I have a training session with Shawn tomorrow - the countdown is on. Hoping I get a few seconds to talk to him about all this because he has a way of making me feel better and helping me sort through some of this mental crap. I can see me going back to personal training just because it's cheaper than therapy.

Anyhow, my affirmation and I Can

It's almost Friday - so close I can taste it!!


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