Ten minutes...

I was hot, sweaty, and exhausted. Had it really been only ten minutes?

Dear God, that had been the most satisfying ten minutes.

I wiped a hand over my heated face, wondering for a brief moment what I must look like as some Kelly Clarkson song blared in the background.

Part of me felt a little guilty - I should have just walked away, avoided the temptation - but really there was no harm. It's all just for fun, and it won't hurt me. Well, it could, but really... there are people who do this all the time, and they're just fine.

At least I felt better. Tired, hot, sore, and sweaty, and now I felt better? Now I was feeling that slight euphoria, the feeling that nothing could bring me down? Sometimes we, as humans, make no sense.

Without a backwards glance, I gathered my stuff and walked away. That was the best part of this. No strings, no expectations. I came, I got what I needed. I walked away. I'm not a taker by nature. But that's all I was doing here. Taking. And it felt good.

It had only been ten minutes.

I was going to be good last night. My plan was all laid out, my schedule made. And then, as I was walking by, I heard that voice calling to me.

The first time, I kept walking. I had other things to do. I had a workout to complete. I had a carefully drafted pan of bench hopovers, and lateral sidesteps, and jumping lunges, and stupid, freaking, retardedly-named burpees to complete (got one set of fifteen, one of twelve, and one of ten).

The second time, I stubbornly ignored the beckon. Let him think me just unsociable. I'd just claim I couldn't hear his voice through my headphones. I still had core and back work to do.

The next time... oh, yes, now my tempter had me figured out. He said nothing. He practically smirked as he said nothing, just sat there all appealing and alone. He let his very existence play in my head, let me tell myself how much I wanted to come over, spend some time with him.

Plans be damned.

I've developed a love affair with the treadmill.

Wait, what the hell did you think I was doing? Oh, get your minds out of the gutter, the whole lot of you!

Sheesh. Girl tries to have a simple conversation about running....

Work this week is...yeah. Less said, the better. Partially because I'm under a confidentiality clause. Suffice it to say, doing things correctly the first time would be much easier than throwing it at me to fix at the last minute. And, as much as I love everyone's so helpful suggestion "I don't see why you have to care so much, Cassandra," - well, because, see, I never learned how to just wake up one day and go, "You know what? Screw it. I don't give a damn anymore. Whatever." - I do care. I get stressed when things aren't done right. I get stressed when it becomes my responsibility to make them right.

I don't handle stress well. Especially if I can't swear at the people causing me stress (not sure that's the definition of handling it well). Or drink. Drinking would be a solution, but not terribly low-cal.

So, I was stressed yesterday. I went to the gym to try to work out some of the stress. I got to the end of my workout, and I was tired, but still stressed.

Just ten minutes, and you know you'll feel better, it beckoned in a seductive tone.

Oh, I know I'm not supposed to be running all the time. I know I really don't need to be doing cardio on a day I do plyometrics (it's very cardio-intensive all on its own). But the simplicity of one foot in front of the other. The satisfaction of seeing the miles you've pounded out. The emptiness of it all.

It's a chance to just let go.

So, ten minutes. I let myself have ten minutes. It wasn't an easy ten minutes either. I pushed up to my "new" speed of 5.5 mph and held there. And by the ten minute mark, I felt better. Everything just seemed to settle into place.

Today, however...

The stress has settled entirely into my neck, shoulders, and back. I've decided I'm not putting up with this, and called Well Within for an appointment. Maybe if I nip this in the bud, it'll start improving a little more readily, and I won't be nearly so stiff and sore every time I get stressed. We'll hope anyway. I'm supposed to be doing a shoulders/chest/triceps workout tonight, which is going to suck if my shoulders are this tight. And I really can't spend all my time giving in to the treadmill. It just wouldn't be healthy.

Might be fun though....

Oh, and another random picture. Because I can. I think I've done this pose in yoga.

BTW, I've met this swan (he is a swan) in person. He is as awesome as he appears.


baygirl32 said...

That is some obsession!

Mr treddy and I are still getting to know each other better. Maybe in a few months I'll be calling his name LOL

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