Fenced-in zones....

I need to build a fence around my comfort zone.

A big one. Chain link. With barbed wire at the top.

Not to keep people out, but to stop me from doing stupid stuff like carelessly leaping out of it. There's a reason I have a comfort zone after all. Shouldn't I be using it?

My comfort zone doesn't generally include medical professionals. Or at least, not many of them. And it includes them in small, controlled doses, where I know exactly what is going to happen. And preferably where they won't have to really touch me (I want a medical world like Star Trek).

Sorry for the disconnected ramblings. In the next two days, I have both a chiropractor's appointment, and a dentist appointment. As I've discussed, on the scary scale, dentists rank pretty near the top of the list. I've actually been reading articles as to why this is, but they aren't helping. Dentists are still scary in my irrational little world. So far, the only thing that tops them is OB-GYNs. (No, I don't know why. If I knew why, it wouldn't be an irrational fear.) So, yes, every time I look at that appointment, I'm filled with dread. I'm also brushing my teeth five times a day, like that will make up for sixteen years of not seeing a dentist. Gotta love that skewed logic.

Chiropractors.... not sure where they land on that scary list. I can't find out a lot of information about what to expect, which nudges them up the scale. On the other hand, what I do find out is very positive, which helps. So they're definitely higher than my ophthalmologist (who gets the honour of bottom ranking - he's a nice doctor with a great voice, and gave me the eyesight I have, so what can I say). I just feel very blind (metaphorically) which I never like.

Medicine has an inherent power imbalance. You see a medical professional when you're sick, for knowledge they have that you don't have. The relationship requires a great deal of implicit trust and confidence, etc., etc. While I find power relationships fascinating from an academic standpoint, I hate being involved in them when I'm on the imbalanced side of the equation. I try to balance that equation by learning everything I can prior to ever walking into an office, so I'm never blindsided by information; it probably sounds stupid, but I need to feel like I'm intellectually able to handle anything I'm told. I'm also a question hound, for the same reason.

Either way, right now, the fence around my comfort zone is laying in a tattered, crumbled mess, and I get to just deal with it. Ultimately, I keep telling myself it's for the best. After all, no good was really ever served by hemming yourself in with fences.


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